


she does

by TheDisappearingAct



Category: Big Little Lies (TV)
Genre: F/F, wow me? doing a stupid conceptual piece? very likely babes!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 08:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20597666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDisappearingAct/pseuds/TheDisappearingAct
Summary: Do words even mean anything to Celeste anymore?





	she does

When Celeste wakes up in the morning, the first thing she does is think about her children. They are in bed, sleeping under dinosaur duvets. She tries to remember if they packed their homework yesterday. She gets up.

She rouses the kids. They whine as she makes coffee. "Don't spill the juice," she says to Josh. She can't tell if he's awake enough to understand what she's saying.

She's laid out their clothes on their beds. She matches their outfits. She tries to make up for the days they had to dress themselves. The twins get dressed. 

She ushers them out the door. She drives them to school. She kisses them on the head. She says good-bye. She stays one moment too long. Someone honks at her and she jumps. She drives away. 

At 10 a.m. she begins to think about what Jane is doing. She wants to call her. She doesn't know if she should. She considers the fact that Jane is busy. She considers the fact that she is lonely. 

She calls Jane. 

"Hi, it's Celeste," she says. "I was wondering if you'd like to get coffee." Jane says yes. 

Celeste applies reapplies her lipstick. She drives to the cafe. She waits for Jane. She checks her watch. She looks at the menu. She buys a coffee. She hopes it takes too long. She wishes for a longer line. She worries for a fleeting moment that Jane's not coming. 

But Jane comes. 

She has her hair up in a bun. She is wearing a vest. Her cheeks are pink from the cold and she smiles wildly when she sees Celeste. Celeste considers her clothes. She thinks she might me overdressed. 

"Great coat," Jane says. Celeste is no longer worried. 

The two women talk, the ebb and flow of their conversation strong enough for them to talk for hours but too weak to be inappropriate for a cafe. She wonders what holds them tethered to this distance in public. They both have their hands clasped. 

Jane talks about the new dress she's gotten for the PTA brunch. She leans close as she describes it.

"I can't wait to see it," says Celeste. 

Jane leans closer. She leans closer than Celeste could've thought she would. "Come over. I'll show you right now." 

Suddenly Celeste skin feels like it's on fire. She knows she's blushing. She pretends not to know why. 

They drive to Jane's house. 

Jane's house is small. Jane's house has Walmart plastic bags under the sink. Jane's house has walls painted bright colors. Jane's house has many, many rugs. Jane's house is warm.

Jane's house does not have a formal dining room. Jane's house does not expensive art. Jane's house does not soundproof rooms. Jane's house does not have hushed whispers. Jane's house does not have an empty space where a man used to be. 

Celeste sits on the couch. Jane comes out her room wearing he dress. It is navy blue. 

"It's gorgeous," Celeste says. 

"I know," says Jane. 

Jane understands Celeste. Celeste understands what a crush is. Celeste feels silly using the word "crush". Celeste feels silly. 

Celeste says "I should get going now," the same time Jane says "Want to come with me to pick up the kids?". 

Celeste feels silly. 

But Jane is laughing now. An open mouth laugh; her head back, her body loose. Celeste realizes whatever tether they had at the cafe has been cut. Jane looks at Celeste and smiles. Celeste feels her heart in her ears. She feels like she has only started existing now.

Suddenly Celeste's skin turns cold. She feels like she can't breathe. 

"I have to go," she says. Her hands are pale. Have her hand always been this pale? They are shaking. They do not always shake. 

"Celeste are you alright?" asks Jane. 

"The twins have an appointment," says Celeste. She is lying. She knows Jane knows she is lying. 

She gets in the car and turns up the heat. She feels the cold in her bones. 

She gets the boys from school. She takes them to piano class. She cooks them dinner. She makes sure they eat. She helps them with their homework. She kisses them good night. 

She takes a hot shower. She She brushes her hair. She rubs her hands together. They are not shaking anymore.

Before Celeste goes to bed she thinks about her children. She tries to remember if she put their homework in their backpacks. She remembers Jane's laugh. She goes to sleep, pink. 


End file.
